• Glenda Fiala

What gets in the way of changing your life

Updated: Apr 6

Often we know how we would like our life to be in an ideal world, and we know deep down when something isn't right, but we carry on living our life in the same way. Staying in the same unfulfilling job, remaining in the same toxic relationship, despite the fact we might feel ignored and unloved, sticking to the same diet while knowing that our health is deteriorating; repeating behaviours and habits even though they are damaging. We often know what we want or need but are unable to put this into action.

Why is it so hard to change our life?

We want to avoid risk in our lives. We like the familiar, we feel safe knowing what to expect. then we are prepared, we know how to handle it. This is very reassuring but doesn't usually fulfil us.

If we dare to try and make changes in our life and we fail, disappointment can be incredibly hard to tolerate. My life has previously been arranged to strenuously avoid disappointment at all costs. I felt it was just too painful for me. If I dared to hope for better and failed it was wrapped up with, 'who do I think I am to expect more?' and I would feel stupid for thinking that I could achieve more, but then not succeed. Failure reinforced my lack of self-worth. If I don't fail then I don't feel bad. But life without failure means life without trying, without expectations and hope.

Woman ready to change her life surrounded by tall yellow flowers

Hope was a tricky one for me. I have never been pessimistic but when I was young my hope was always projected into the future. When I graduate my life will begin, when I move to Brighton things will be better, when I am married and have a family my life will be happy, when I have my own business I will be successful. The problem with this strategy is that as I got older and kept passing milestones I still wasn't allowing hope into my present life and I couldn't wait until I retired to be happy.

So what is hope that evaded my life so carefully? Hope is having expectations for good, having faith, having belief. It requires a strength to stay focused on what could be.

Fear is the biggest obstacle to changing your life

Hope is also being able to override fear and to not let it overwhelm and control you. But fear becomes more insidious if you ignore it. Fear needs to be acknowledged and brought into the light to stop it being so powerful. Fear only wants to protect you but it can get out of hand. Learn to let fear walk beside you without controlling the route you are taking. Fear is the biggest obstacle of change.

I used to say - Hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Optimistic but always prepared for anything to happen. I should have gone into security because in any situation I had always scanned the environment for danger and I knew the possibilities in seconds. But real Hope is always being prepared for the best.

With the Law of Attraction it is not even enough to hope, you have to expect, with certainty and clarity, what you want to happen. You need to be very clear about your destination and constantly make sure you are facing the right direction, but belief and faith are still the necessary components to get you there. So if you are wanting to manifest anything in your life get exact about what this is, the details of this thing. You could draw it or spend time visualising it in your mind

Are you ready to change your life?

You are reading this, so you are already facing your fears and thinking about changing your life. Maybe see if any particular fears came to mind while you were reading. If so try writing them down, and then thanking them for protecting you so far. Acknowledge that you don't need these fears to control you any more, but let them know they can walk beside you on your journey.

If you are struggling not being able to make changes in your life and need an instant boost try my guided meditation.

If you would like further support to make changes in your life with one to one online therapy or with an online course take a look at my offerings.


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